As the very real fact that I am newly single slowly sinks in, I find myself thinking about one aspect of this new lifestyle in particular, or rather a ‘lack there of’; sex. Ah sex, an act that can make life so blissful yet so confusing, and sometimes humiliating, at the same time. I fear that due to the wisdom and higher self-esteem that comes with age, I will no longer be able to indulge in the one-night stands my college-self did once upon a time. Now that I have entered by mid-20’s, I’ve come to realize something about sex that had not occurred to me before; we all use sex for different reasons.
I now realize that when I indulged in casual sex in my younger days with gentlemen I was perhaps not so well acquainted with (I don’t particularly care to share that about myself but I feel an immense need to be honest at the moment), I used it as a way to fill a hole in me…no pun intended. It was a way for me to validate myself which I now realize was actually doing the opposite.
When you have sex to feel good about yourself you’re placing your value and self-worth on something you’re giving to someone else, which is purely physical. While it’s all well and good to take in pride in one’s sexual prowess, if you will, sex shouldn’t be something to do just for an ego boost. At the same time, having sex to try to connect with someone emotionally is also a bad idea (ladies I’m talking to you, as well as certain boys I know). When you offer your body to someone you’re letting them have what should be the most sacred and cherished thing in your life. Your body and your mind are intertwined, so to give someone your body is in essence like giving them a part of yourself.
So when should you let go and rip your clothes off and when should you save it and enjoy your own company (if you catch my drift)? Clearly it’s all well and good to do it with someone who cares about you/you care about them. And for those who haven’t found that ‘special someone’ I believe that’s a personal choice everyone needs to really consider. Sex can be a positive release in both a physical and emotional sense, but keep in mind that it can make you question yourself and feel bad if you choose to ‘spread the love’ with those who may be less-deserving. One helpful tip: try to avoid the people still at the bar at 3am who are on the prowl. I like to refer to them as ‘vultures’ because they’re just surveying a pitiful situation digging up scraps. Do not be the prey.
So when you’re single and ready to make some good/bad choices, I advise you to approach these situations with two thoughts in mind:
1) What are your motives for doing this?
2) Does this person deserve you?
As long as the answer isn’t a flat ‘NO’ to #2 and ‘I’m lonely’ to #1, then who knows; being single doesn’t necessarily mean celibate. Have fun, be safe, and above all stick to your morals. And always remember that ‘beer goggles’ are a very real and terrifying thing.