What do you say to taking chances?

I don’t really care for my job.  I know a lot of people say that, but there are days when I’d rather be cleaning the toilets in the office than sitting at my computer.  I find myself getting annoyed that I have all of this random yet useful knowledge about so many different things, yet I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day writing about things I find little to no interest in.  My job requires no creativity, analytical, or critical thinking and it kills me because that’s what I enjoy.  I’m a writer who currently writes about summaries of bids, which is super interesting…said no one ever.

I love to write. Period.  It’s what I spend most of my free time doing and how I feel most comfortable expressing myself (besides interpretive dance but I feel that goes without saying).  Sadly, there are little to no job opportunities for writers in my currently location. The online blog community has no physical boundaries; however, I’ve learned that it is not an easy way to make money.  To be successful in that manner, you have to pray to the blogging universe that people will read your babbling, and that someone will then pay you for the random things that come to your mind.  It is my greatest dream that this will happen to me, thus I created this blog as a way to jump-start the process.

However, I have been rather lazy.  Not that I don’t do anything with my life (I spend the majority of my day reading, writing, and starring at a computer screen; i.e. work), but in the sense that I have not have been pursuing other opportunities.  I’ve started to become annoyed with myself because I’ve slowly turned into one of those people who constantly complain about their job. It’s quite hypocritical of me seeing as that was a HUGE grievance I had with my ex.  He had all of these ideas about what he was going to do to get out of his job, and his entire field, but he never did anything about it; which drove me absolutely nuts.  I can’t stand people who blame the world for their problems or people who just sit and watch their lives waste away, and my ex was one of those people.  A few weeks ago it dawned on me that I was becoming one of those people I stayed in my relationship (and stay at my job) because of the crippling fear of the unknown.  I thought “what would happen if he wasn’t in my life?” just like I think “what if I can’t find another job up here?” Deep down I know I need to make a change and take a chance when it comes to my career, but I’ve been hesitant because of fear.  Well, I took one big chance several months ago when I ended my relationship and life got so much better than I ever anticipated it would; why keep waiting?

I’m ready to start making some changes and take another chance, perhaps an even bigger one this time.  It’s hard making changes because you never know whether the outcome will be good or bad, but I’ve been discovering that when you let go of the fear and the expectations and just ‘go with the flow’ life  falls together.  While efforts certainly need to be made to find a new job, or to even move to a new city, I know that trying to micro-manage every step of the process will lead to anxiety and bruised dreams.  The right things happen at the right time, so I must keep in mind that patience and persistence are my friends.

So what do I say to taking chances?  Take as many as you can, give your all, and realize that life will fall together as it should.

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“To Be Young Again”…Party on Bro

There are times when I think to myself, “I should probably grow up”.  This usually occurs when I’m hungover at work.   My two buddies at work and I eat lunch together every day and although we are relatively close in age, we’re all in very different places in our lives.  The other day, we were talking about what we had done the previous night, which for the record was a Wednesday.  One of them had looked at houses to buy with his wife, the other had begun planning the nursery he and pregnant wife we going to create…and I got drunk and played a wildly inappropriate card game with my friends at a dinner party.  Now several months ago my answer probably would have been making dinner and watching TV with my boyfriend-at-the-time, but being single has breathed a sort of ‘new life’ into me.  When I heard what the boys had spent their free time doing my thought was not, “I should think about getting married” or “I wonder how difficult it is to get a mortgage on a house.”  Instead, my first reaction was “…well that sucks!”

A few months ago, I went to visit my grandfather in the hospital and it ended up being the last time I saw him as he died 3 days after my visit.  He was 90 years old and very ill so he couldn’t speak much, but right before I left he looked at me and said, “To be young again”.  I kept hearing those words in my head on the car ride back and I started thinking about what it means to be young.  We all have different outlooks on the subject, but for me being young is about freedom and choice.

I absolutely love that I can do whatever I want (within reason and my budget, of course) because not only am I young; I’m ‘free’.  I don’t have anything ‘holding me back’ as I’m not married, I don’t have any children, and I don’t own my apartment.  I’m planning to make some big changes to start the next chapter of my life and it’s amazing simply for the reason that I can.  I love that there are so many choices and options laying ahead just waiting for me to find them.

I know that some day I will get married, have children, and create a new ‘adult’ life…but not for a while.  For now, I’m going to enjoy my youth so that when I’m old and living my final days I can look back and think “Damn I was awesome, that was one hell of a ride.”