If You Do This, I Hate You: Part 2

I also occasionally run dry on ideas.  It happens.  Yet I still feel the urge to write (or I’m very bored).  It is a conundrum every writer is familiar with and faces from time to time.  To help find a solution to this problem, I started thinking about other things I’ve written in the past and decided that certain articles deserved a sequel.  This article is a continuation of “If You do This, I Hate You.”  Without further ado…if you do this, I hate you:

Leave me in text limbo

One of the features I enjoy most about texting with iPhones is that you can see when someone else is texting.  It’s helpful because I know that you saw my text.  What is not helpful is when those three dots are there for over an hour.  Especially if I asked you a question.  Are you thinking about it?  Are you writing me an essay?  DO YOU WANT TO GET PIZZA OR NOT?

Take forever to respond to emails

I understand people are busy and don’t compulsively check their e-mail like I do, but waiting 2+days for a response is really annoying and shouldn’t be a thing.  Did you get on a plane for 20 hours? Did you smash all of your electronics because you’ve had enough with society?  Did you die???  No?  Then reply to my goddamn email.

Don’t blow your nose when you clearly need to

If you can hear the gross snot sound you’re making by not blowing your nose when you clearly need to, we can all hear the gross snot sound.  If you do this on the train, it’s still gross but understandable.  I also rarely travel with tissues when it’s 80 degrees outside.  If you do this in a restaurant, that’s super gross but I know our time together is brief so I can deal.  If you do this in my office (guy who sits on the other side of cube wall), I HATE YOU.  Blow your f***king nose dude.  There are tissues boxes everywhere and it’s really inconvenient when you make that horrendous sound while I’m on conference calls or eating my lunch.  You ruined my split pea soup.  Jerk.

Can’t commit

If I try to make a plan with you, don’t say maybe.  Be an adult and say “Yes I’d love to go to Six Flags with you,” or “No I don’t want to do bottomless brunch with you at 10am”. “Maybe” is only an acceptable response if something is up in the air.  If your mom might be in town, you might have to work later, or you might be too hungover, then say that.  But if you don’t want to commit to plans because you’re waiting for something better to come along then I hate you.  I didn’t ask you to marry me, I just asked if you wanted to get tapas on Friday.

Post your entire life on social media

I have a love/hate relationship with social media.  It’s great because I can stay in contact with people and mainly because I can use it to shamelessly promote my blog.  It’s NOT great because it’s filled with things I don’t care about.  It also makes human interaction difficult because I already know everything you’re going to tell me.  Oh you went to Bermuda with your family?  I know that because I saw all the pictures you posted hourly while sitting in my office hating you.

To sum it up – respond to people trying to talk to your through various devices, blow your nose, make plans, stop choosing an Instagram filter for your selfie and the world will be a happier place.

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