Dear New York,
We have to talk. This isn’t working out, but due to certain life circumstances we need to try to make it work. I know you’re one of the greatest cities in the world, no one is saying you’re not, but I’m having some issues with you.
First of all, you are LOUD AS HELL. Why do you have to be so loud ALL THE TIME? I know you’re big and filled with (horribly mean) people, but must you be so loud all the time? While we’re on the subject of your size, you need to chill with all the new buildings. You had a beautiful skyline but it’s so cluttered now it’s losing its magic. There, I said it.
Another issue you really need to get a handle on is your smell. Dear God. Why is that every corner I turn, even in your beautiful and EXPENSIVE neighborhoods, I am overtaken by the smell of urine? I know it’s not really your fault our dick mayor is allowing homeless people to take over the city like maggots feasting on an animal corpse, but seriously. It’s disgusting.
I love that you’re filled with some of the best restaurants in the world. Seriously, I know people who have traveled to the country of origin of certain foods and said it’s better in New York. But why must you make everything so damn expensive? I bought a small soup and some mango slices the other day and it was $9.00. I don’t have that kind of soup/mango money, New York, I have to pay massive amounts of rent just to be near you. Your sister Brooklyn is no cheap lady. And I’m sorry to say this, but I like her better than you. I even like your slightly less attractive cousin Queens better than you. Don’t be upset, I still like you better than the Bronx. We’re not even going to bring up Staten Island.
You entice from across the river with your beautiful park and your endless array of bars and restaurants I want to explore. But every time I try to come to see you, which I have to do five days a week anyway, you make it SO difficult. I know you’re old, but it’s 2015, why are signal problems such an issue for you? Even when I finally make it to you, getting around is a huge pain in the ass. I usually travel by foot since I don’t have Uber money but you are littered with people and construction obstacles. I hate to bring up the odor thing again, but it’s really off putting. You should be ashamed of your subway stations.
Alas New York, even though you drive me crazy most of the time, it seems we must make it work..for now. My family lives near you and they’re pretty cool. The man I love also works to keep you safe and he has to be here to do that. Well played New York, using people I love against me. I guess I can try to see the good in you. You do offer potential writing opportunities for me to explore when I get more experience (which all your jobs demand so damn much of). Some of your touristy things are pretty cool, I do enjoy walking over the Brooklyn Bridge and gazing at the Freedom Tower. There are also endless things to do and places to explore in you. Sometimes you’re really beautiful too. Watching the sunset from my roof or walking through one of your parks on a warm spring days is pretty darn nice.
Alright New York, maybe I’ll stop being so hard on you. Although I don’t want to stay with your forever because you give me horrible anxiety and I’m pretty sure your air is slowly killing me, I guess I can try to enjoy you for now.