Thou Shalt Share the Remote
When the hour of HBO’s Girls strikes 10pm, thou shalt hand over the remote and play on thy tablet or phone. When the era of March Madness dawns, thou shall hand over the remote and go on Pinterest. Or thou shalt journey to ye ole sports bar or thy friend’s quarters.
Thou Shalt Keep it Spicy
Should winter descend upon thy bed, thou shalt get creative with games, costumes, and toys. Heed this advice – all ye new interests must be consulted and agreed upon before thou doth get it on. And the lovers shall establish a safe word.
Thou Shalt Apologize for What Thou said while Drunk/Hungry/PMSing
While anger and rage make take over body and mind, thou shalt ask forgiveness for calling thy loved one “incompetent” while looking for parking, and for eating all of the cookies.
Remember thy anniversary to prevent the silent treatment.
Should this day (or birthday) be forgotten, thou art in for it.
Thou Shalt Not Lie
Unless questioned “Does this make me look fat?”
Honor Thy Partner
When accompanying thy partner to work events, family parties, and friend’s dinner parties, thou shalt not consume too many tequila shots or tell the tale about when thy partner got arrested for urinating in public.
Thou Shalt “Return the Favor”
Thou knows what I mean, ladies and gents.
Thou Shalt Communicate Effectively
Should one partner piss off another, thou shalt express these feelings of disdain in a respectful, mature manner and not ye bar parking lot one month later at 2am.
Thou Shalt Not Depend On Thy Partner For Everything
Thou must maintain personal relationships outside of the relationship with thy partner. Should thou not do so, thou risks becoming overly dependent and irritating thy partner which could lead to squabbles (and unnecessary drama which annoys thy friends).
Thou Shalt Love Thyself Before Thou Loves Another
Thou must resolve personal issues as not to destroy thy relationship with baggage. As it is written in the great text of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?”