I’m going to be honest here for a minute – I have not always been the best at relationships. I know, it’s mind-blowing. Unless you knew me in college, then you’re probably nodding to yourself right now. Regardless, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes when it comes to love. Now that I’ve found the most amazing partner and am happily settled in a healthy relationship, I feel I now have the right to judge other people’s relationship flaws…
I’m totally kidding!! That was a joke…sort of. I’m not here to judge, no one is perfect and neither is any relationship. However, I am here to tell you that there are ways to suck at being in one. I know from experience, either as the perpetrator or as the unfortunate witness, so I’m here to help. If you do these things, you probably suck at relationships but don’t worry – there’s hope! Just keep reading.
At 3:30pm (s)he took 3 minutes to respond to your text so that means they must be cheating, right? No! That means they were at work!! He came home from work and barely said hello, that means he’s mad at me, right? No! That means he probably had a shitty day! Don’t read into every little thing your partner does or you’ll drive yourself (and them) insane. If you think something is up then ask them. Don’t become a psycho detective to get to the bottom of it. Trust me, if you’re dating a guy and he says nothing is wrong, then nothing is wrong. They’re not like women where “fine” actually means “I’m going to stab you”. Relax.
You never stop talking about your relationship
Whether it’s positive or negative, it’s still annoying. You should certainly talk about your relationship to your friends and family, but if you start every sentence with “OMG guess what she/he did”, your friends and family are going to learn to instantly tune out the second you utter that phrase. If you’re upset about something your partner is doing, try journaling about it or even try a relationship counselor (solo or together). If you’re really happy with your partner, then tell them. A lot of people don’t tell each other they love enough so give your friends a break and share the love with your partner. Besides, you have other important things to talk about with your friends, like last night’s Game of Thrones and Drag Race.
You blowup everyone’s social media feed with your relationship
THIS IS THE WORST. If you have posted more than one picture of you two kissing I guarantee I (and many of your friends) have unfollowed you. This is also a red flag that your relationship is not all it’s cracked up to be. A #mcm is certainly cute once in a while, but if you find yourself constantly posting about everything your partner does for you and everything you do together, ask yourself this – who are you trying to convince? The internet or yourself?
You fight in public
This is just mean to your friends and people commuting on the subway. It’s awkward for everyone involved and a really quick way to ruin brunch or someone’s birthday party. If you’re having an issue, either table it for later or leave. Either way, do it in private or you will become to couple no one invites anywhere. Then you’ll have no one else to each brunch with and that would just be the worst.
You get too serious too quick
You moved in after three months. You got engaged after six months. Slow down crazy! Sure your relationship seems fine now…but what about in the future? Have you ever gone through a crisis together? Or airport security? These are the moments that determine if a relationship will last. Enjoy dating each other without trying to achieve milestones because your friends did or you reach a certain age. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Like day drinking.
I’m telling you these things because I love you and because they’re preventable. A relationship should not define who you are as a person, so don’t let it. I see people disappear into their relationships and I know I’ve done it too. But instead of letting your crazy get the best of you, try to be awesome at relationships instead! How do you do that? You take care of your needs first (more to come on this), you treat your partner with respect, and you put down the Instagram and enjoy your time together. It’s a simple as that.