This morning I went to SoulCycle because I’ve been waking up at 6am and I’m obsessed with it. Towards the end of the class the instructor walked around the room and said a few motivational lines as she usually does, but one stuck with me more than the others. She said, “If you want to say something, say it,”. Simple, right? But it stuck with me.
Yesterday was a nightmare. For those of you who don’t follow me on Facebook, this is what I posted:
I am not proud to be an American today. Yesterday my insurance provider denied coverage of my medication and is continuing to deny it, even after my doctor appealed. Without insurance, a one month supply is over $1,000. This medication gave me sleep, energy…it gave me my life back. And now the provider is saying that I’m not eligible for medication DESPITE the fact that my DOCTOR has advocated that I DO need it.
I have no idea what’s going to happen. I feel completely powerless and hopeless. I filled the prescription no problem last month and now they just turned around said “DENIED”.
Insurance providers in this country are DISGUSTING. This is the SAME PROVIDER that tried to kick me off my father’s insurance 10 years ago when I required more mental health treatment after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
They don’t look at us as people with lives, loved ones, and hopes & dreams, they look at us as numbers that drain their pockets. I don’t know how to fight back yet but you better be damn sure that I will. I will not be treated like this and I will not stand by and watch others suffer the same.
This needs to end NOW.
Yeah, it’s been a rough couple of days. The matter still hasn’t been resolved but I was able to buy three pills (by far the worst $200 I’ve ever spent) so I feel a little better today. It’s adding so much stress that I really didn’t need considering the holidays are upon us, my body is still adjusting to switching to a new medication and getting off another, and oh! I have terrible PMS. Basically, this week can go back to the hell it came from.
Obviously, this is affecting me at work. It’s really hard to focus on writing technical documentation for advertising products when your mental health is in jeopardy and it feels like your insurance provider is trying to kill you. I work on a small team of great people but none that I know on a very personal level. I’ve never told any of them about my mental health but it was getting too hard to hide it from them. I blatantly started crying during a meeting because my body just does that, and they either didn’t notice or were very polite about it. I have no problem writing about my mental health and posting it on the Internet, but something about confronting it head on at work and telling people about it terrified me. I asked a coworker whose role is to help everyone “keep the peace” when it comes to development and team functionality, if I should say something or not. I told him that my fear was that if people didn’t know what was going on and saw me leaving early, working from home, or crying at my desk (again, it’s completely involuntary and the worst), that they would get the wrong impression and think I was a mess who couldn’t hold down their job. He encouraged me to address it with them…and so I did.
…their response was incredible. They were all so understanding and so willing to help in any way they could. I spared the details because the words bipolar disorder still scares people and mental health doesn’t always get held to the same priority as physical health, but either way their response was exactly what I needed.
It shouldn’t be so scary to tell people about what you’re dealing with, but let’s face it – it is. I kept hearing my instructor’s words in my head, which is what finally gave me the push to say something (another reason I love SoulCycle – the instructors are magical). Everyone deserves to be heard to have their needs met. But if you don’t speak up for yourself, no one else will.
So I give you the same challenge my instructor gave me – if you want to say something, say it. Whether it’s at work, with family, a personal relationship, or whatever, say something – you deserve to be heard.