In exactly two weeks from today, my husband and I will be taking off for our honeymoon and I am so FREAKING EXCITED!!! It’s hard to believe the day is almost hear considering we got married back in September. We decided to postpone our honeymoon because it would give us something to look forward to after the wedding was over (aka my anxiety would not allow for anymore planning). And so here we are. With our upcoming getaway and a few weddings coming up, I’ve been reminiscing about our big day.
As you probably know by now, I have anxiety. I know, big reveal! Anyway, it made planning the wedding fairly unpleasant for me. As much as I wanted to joyfully immerse myself in all the planning like all the women you see in the bridal magazines* (*Pinterest), I found myself curled up in a ball a good part of the time begging to just go to city hall and call it a day. But when the big day finally came, I was anything buy anxious; I was f*cking zen. So much so that my bridal party seemed concerned and our photographer asked if I had taken anything to relax (which I did not, but I wouldn’t judge a bride for it). I was so zen that as a woman heckled me on my way to the alter, I barely noticed.
So how does someone go from nervous wreck to buddhist monk status calm? You let go.
All the planning was done, there were no more last minute details, no more changes, no more stress. All I had to do was walk down the aisle with my dad and be with the man I love in front of all the people that I love. That part wasn’t in the slightest bit stressful. It was the invitations, the goddamn seating chart, and the millions of other decisions that made me into a ball of stress over one. damn. day. But when that day finally came, I realized that there was nothing left to do but enjoy it. I wasn’t going to let my anxiety (or anything else for that matter) get in the way one of the most momentous days of my life.
The morning of my wedding day is such a happy memory. I actually try to go back to that moment when I’m feeling stressed to remember how calm I was and what that felt like. I had the advantage (and genius idea) of getting married at a spa, so I spent the morning drinking tea on the deck with my best friends and then sitting in a hot tub with my maid of honor. One of my mom’s friends saw us and said, “This is what a bride should look like on her wedding day.” I also covered myself in essential oils from the time I woke up til the time I walked down the aisle. I’m sure that didn’t hurt.
Because it was such an important day, I was able to let go of any anxiety or stress and really enjoy myself. It’s something I am truly grateful for because I know it could have gone the complete opposite way. But that’s also what your bridal party is there for – they keep you sane when you can’t hold it together. I started wonder why I can’t do that every day, how I could be so calm the day of my wedding and a stressed out mess so much of the time. I forgot about that sense of calm, the zen, until today when I started getting really excited for our honeymoon, which was then promptly followed horrible anxiety around traveling. But I’m trying to remember that I’ll be with my husband, the man I love more than anything, on our way to some of the most beautiful places in the world. So maybe I can summon that calmness when I’m taking my shoes off for the TSA. I mean, I can try at least.
And in case you were wondering, we’re going to Greece and Croatia with a quick pitstop in Ireland. Woohoo!