A Bro Chick PSA – Ladies, Be Nice

The nickname “the bro chick” comes from a dear friend of mine.  He gave me the name because of three defining factors:

  • I love whiskey
  • I love football
  • I don’t understand (most) women

“Bro chick” also reflects the fact that I am not a “girly-girl”.  Not that there’s anything wrong with being a girly-girl, it’s just not me.  My friends having lovingly teased me for not knowing how to use a curling iron, for cutting my own hair with kitchen scissors (don’t worry, I washed them before and after), for only owning purses that come from Target, and for always choosing a playoff game over “The Bachelor” (or some other reality dating show).  However, I do wear makeup (sometimes) and I like to wear dresses (mainly because I find shorts horribly uncomfortable and wearing pants is the worst).

While I agree these things separate me and other bro chicks from the girly-girls, they are not what makes one a bro chick; it’s that third bullet point that separates us.

You know what sounds like a nightmare?  A bachelorette party, a bridal shower, or a baby shower.  Why?  Because it’s a group of women talking about things I could give less of a shit about.  I don’t care that your baby learned to walk at nine months (unless you’re related to me – then please send videos).  I don’t care that your fiance got you a ring without inclusions or whatever makes a diamond expensive.  And I’m actually not impressed that you got that dress at Marshalls, I just feign interest to avoid you telling every other woman to ignore me.  Because that’s a thing – it has happened to me before and to this day I don’t know why someone would do that.  It was a dick move.

For whatever reason, most women seem to hate other women.  Perhaps it’s jealousy or insecurity or whatever, but whatever it is it sucks.  I have worked with 99% women and 99% men and guess what?  Working with 99% men was LEAPS AND BOUNDS better than working with that many women.  No one talked my ear off about their expensive handbag or how many calories they had consumed that morning while I was trying to work.  Most importantly – no one threw each other under the bus.

Ladies, this is my main issue and why I actively avoid women I don’t know in social situations – you are mean.  You are mean for no legitimate reason and it sucks.  Just because I’m friends with your boyfriend does not mean that I want to sleep with him.  Just because I wore Uggs out in public does not mean I’m some sort of leper that should be pointed at and given dirty looks.  And just because I have a job that sounds really technical does not mean you should feel threatened by me or instantly label me a “nerd”.

Why is it so hard for women to be nice to each other?  Men don’t seem to have this problem.  Does society pin us against each other?  Can there be only one supreme woman?  Because if there can, it’s Oprah.  We all lost so it’s time we got over it.

So please don’t give me a nasty look when I talk to your boyfriend about the Giants.  It’s not some vindictive way to seduce him.  I’m making conversation because your death stare does not make me want to ask about your shoes. I have wonderful female friends so I know it’s possible for us to get along.  If we took the energy we spent judging, backstabbing, and criticizing each other, we probably would have had a female president 20 years ago.

Take a lesson from the guys and just f*cking relax and be nice.  Not everything is a competition and your friend’s promotion, baby, husband, or 10lb loss does not make you dumber, less likely to get married/pregnant, or fatter.  
Now let’s have a beer and move on.

5 Ways to Survive Work With a Hangover

Whether you went out to happy hour with your co-workers, had a boozy dinner party with friends, or polished off that magnum bottle of wine by yourself faster than anticipated; being hungover on a weekday is the worst.  There are few things more unpleasant than waking up with the spins, a pounding headache, and dry mouth only to realize you have minutes to get out the door, get to your job, and try to be an adult.

As someone who has had their fair share of rough mornings, I’ve discovered five things you can do combat your lapse in judgement and survive the workday.

1. Take a shower

Do this before you leave for work…obviously.  This is something I swear by. Not only because you want to wash the makeup, smell of booze, and shame off of you, but because it feels awesome.  There’s something about a hungover shower that is so rejuvenating.  After my office Christmas party, I woke up with 5 minutes to get out of my apartment so I had to forgo my revitalizing shower.  I went to the gym on my lunch break that day not to sweat out the booze, but to stand in the shower for 30 minutes. It was amazing.

2. Eat something greasy and keep the fluids coming

If you normally stick to a healthy breakfast or lunch, throw all your fears of trans-fats, sugar, and gluten to the wind. Today, that double bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel is your friend.  Make sure to stock your desk with plenty of fluids – iced coffee (no matter what season it is), purple Vitamin Water, and plain old water should keep you hydrated and alert.  Just keep in mind that this may send a signal to some of your coworkers that you overindulged last night.  I got called out for being hungover at work when I showed up to a 30 minute meeting with a bottle of water, a massive cup of green tea, and a vitamin water.  Speaking of coworkers…

3. Stay away from anyone who can fire you 

Fortunately for me, I’ve seen my boss hungover more than once at work and there’s an unspoken understanding in our office.  After our summer party, only ⅓ of the office showed up to work the next day (who puts a party with an open bar on a Tuesday?). However, I have worked at other companies where it was frowned upon for employees to come in smelling like beer and to wear sunglasses all day.  During those days, I would eat lunch at my desk to avoid having to try to speak coherently with my boss in the lunchroom.  I would also walk in and exit with my headphones on to avoid any unwanted small talk.

4. Take a nap or go for a walk

I miss my car.  There was nothing like a 15 minute power nap to help me make it through the day.  Even if the admin did catch me and judge the hell out of me one time, it was still worth it.  If you have a car, I urge you take advantage of the luxurious back seat for a quick snooze to replenish your energy. Sadly, I take the subway to work now so that’s no longer an option. Instead, I walk around the city to jolt me awake.  Something about dodging men in suits glued to their iPhones and smelly homeless people recharges me like my former car naps did once upon a time.  The fresh air helps too…unless it’s summer.  If it’s 90 degrees inside stay inside and avoid windows. The sun is your enemy.

5. Learn from your mistakes

Showing up to work hungover is unprofessional and could cost you your job. If you work in a school, doctor’s office, or other job where your actions have a direct impact on other people, you should definitely drink in moderation during the week (save your bender for the weekend).  If you work in tech, however, save your weekday binge drinking for company events.  That way multiple people will be hungover and you can just blend into the crowd.  Also, drink plenty of water, take some ibuprofen, and remember that doing shots during the week is a terrible idea…even if your boss pays for them.