Today was a bit of a hard day. Little man was having some tummy trouble which led to him not napping anywhere near schedule and A LOT of crying. Then as I picked up my container of soup for lunch I dropped it and it exploded on the floor. We went for a walk with my mom, which was lovely until little man had had enough and wanted to escape his stroller and fussed the rest of the walk. So overall not a terrible day, but after the soup exploded my mind started racing about how frustrated I was with our day being thrown off, the fact that husband and I started a new diet and all I wanted was to shove scones in my face, and then the impending doom of coronavirus snuck in there and I had a panic attack, the first in several years. Needless to say, it put me in a funk.
Later on in the day I needed to start prepping dinner so I brought little man with me into the kitchen and explained to him how I prepare asparagus. That’s when husband came in and said how proud he was that despite having a rough day I was still “momming” the best I can.
That’s because being a mom never turns off.
Being a mom is hard. Like, exponentially harder than you think it will be. Don’t get me wrong, I love it and I wouldn’t trade it for the world but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its moments. Being a mom with bipolar disorder adds a new flare to that. Although I’m very stable (thank you meds), I still have days where my anxiety is high or my moods are off. Even if you don’t have bipolar disorder, I’m pretty sure every mom reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about. But the thing is, you can’t not tend to your child just because you’re feeling down. That’s the hard part. It takes an immense strength to pull yourself out of your funk and be there for your child. God bless you if you have multiple little ones.
I’ve only been a mom for 4 months but in those 4 months I’ve learned a ton. Mainly that the needs of my child come before my own to an extent. Unhappy mommy can’t be the mommy little man needs, so I still need to take care of myself. Recently I purchased a Peloton and I spin in the mornings before he wakes up. IT IS THE BEST. I love spinning more than I have time to explain so having my very own bike in my house is extraordinary. I was on the fence about buying one for a long time because of the steep price tag, but the relief I get from spinning makes it worth every penny. Plus it ends up being cheaper and much more convenient than SoulCycle. But the point is not to talk about how awesome Pelotons are, the point is to say that I did something for myself because I had to. I wake up when little man wakes up (alongside awesome husband), I feed little man when I’m starving, and I entertain little man when I’m exhausted because that’s my job. But that doesn’t mean I can’t squeeze in some time for me. Even just taking a shower that’s longer than 5 minutes is a delight and can be a much needed treat. Walking 5 minutes to the coffee shop (and buying scones) down the block BY MYSELF is a refreshing pleasure.
Being a mom is hard. It’s amazing, scary, wonderful, stressful, incredible, and everything in between. But moms are human, we still have needs and limits. So if you’re a mom, take some time for yourself, even if it’s just a long shower. You deserve it because momming ain’t easy. And if you see a mom that looks like she’s at her wits end, offer to help. Hold the baby or entertain the kids while she takes that luxurious shower. Or at least tell her she looks great. Every mom deserves to hear that because even if you have spit up in your hair you are still a beautiful, magnificent creature. You created life, or you’re raising one, either way you’re a mom and you rock.